The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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