Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
