I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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