she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
