i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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