she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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