24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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