that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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