strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize