The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
