nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Vodka?
Forever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
