There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
