garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
