i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
