I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
