Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then my night got REAL pukey
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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