The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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