Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
