omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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