I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i out mim tonsoeep
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
