remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
