We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
