I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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