Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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