you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
