There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
