But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
