There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
