you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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