he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
