really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
