Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
