My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
