Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
