Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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