Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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