Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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