i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
