wakey wakey hands off snakey
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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