yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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