True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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