we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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