My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
