Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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