the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
