it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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