3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
