Just took my morning after pill in the library
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
