9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
