A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
