so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize