I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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