you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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