I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
