What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
