She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
