I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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