he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
