So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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