Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize