we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
