I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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