nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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