Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
