just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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