Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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