Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
